writing

lately i feel all the times i have felt like blogging have come at the worst times {i have really great conversations with myself with the hour-ish drive between home and school}

all of the times that are convenient i feel like i have nothing to say. or i just don't want to put forth the effort to articulate my words into sentences like i want them or find pictures or...endless excuses haha.

and almost all the time, people who want to spend time with me win out over this screen.  and sometimes naps do too.  like today. and yesterday :) and unfortunately school should too.

hopefully soon i can get back into the swing of things.  i can blog about this past weekend.  and random thoughts. and the other stupid stories of my life haha.

and these are my ramblings for a boring tuesday night

defeated

defeated. discouraged. depressed. disheartened.

Those words kind of describe how I've been feeling lately.  Now there are a lot of factors that could be contributing to these feelings.  There are quite a few that I can think of...but maybe they're not.  Maybe if those factors didn't exist I'd still be feeling this way.  I like blaming the factors though.  Here are a few....

• I think I'm sick yet again.  Or maybe it's just allergies.
• I move home a week from today.  I love my family...but I love Logan.  And living with people my age  {well at least the roommates I have now...who knows what fall will bring}  And I know I'll be back in 3 months....but still.  However...I won't miss hiking up the stairs to the 4th floor.  And probably won't miss the 10,000 trips to Walmart we make every week.
• I have a 4-page, single-spaced paper due next week on a topic I'm just going to b.s.
• I have 4 finals.  
• Being the awkward third-wheel.  Again.
• I don't want to start packing up 8 and a half months worth of stuff.
• I'm a little tired of wedding fever {family, friends, high school people, and especially the Royal wedding....}  I'm happy for everyone...just sick of hearing about it every second
• I pretty much failed my last test I took

But look at the bright side!

• That test I failed?  It can be dropped if I do well on the final.  I did really well on the first three tests in that class so I'm hoping it will work out :)
• Out of my 4 finals only 1 is cumulative
• I get to see my family lots
• Most of my roommates live within 10 or so minutes of my house...which is pretty awesome since I didn't know half of them existed before I came up here
• My grandparents are letting me keep my school stuff in their basement which means I'll actually be able to function in my bedroom at home.
• My bedroom at home is finally mine again.  It became a makeshift sewing room about a year and a half ago with different projects constantly coming up {youth conference outfits for the stake, bridesmaid dresses, wedding helper aprons, etc.}  Now it's not in my room anymore and I can actually see my floor, get to my closet, and so much more :)
• Shayna got us an appointment to the temple.  And I had just renewed my temple recommend only like 2 or 3 weeks earlier.

via

• Final day of institute - one of the slides had this quote from Boyd K. Packer
• "Life moves all too fast. When you feel weak, discouraged, depressed, or afraid, open the Book of Mormon and read. Do not let too much time pass before reading a verse, a thought, or a chapter." {from this talk}
• Pretty sure that was meant for me...now I guess I should act on it.
• We're partying tonight.  Except I don't care all that much for Sean Kingston...but I can pretend right?  Or maybe we'll decide to do something more fun :) Who knows?
• Oh and Janie makes me laugh.  Read this.  I love her.

But now is the time to go to Firehouse and figure out how to spend the rest of the night!

untitled

So many of the days lately have been going by so fast. Where have the days gone? And not in the good kind of way where you are so involved in everything. Like right now it's 12:45. How did it get this late? What have I done all day? Almost nothing.

Way too many days have been like this lately. Oh well. Eventually, I'll be in the mood to do things again. Maybe if it would ever decide to be spring/summer that would help too. I miss things being green. And flowers.

Picture from here

Unmotivated

Today was an unfabulous day. I did almost nothing. I'm still in the clothes I woke up in. In fact, I haven't stepped foot outside my apartment today, not even into the hallway. I stayed up late talking to different people. This included my roommate who helped me make sense of some of the thoughts that seemed to be piling up in my head. The pile seemed to be growing bigger and bigger and more tangled. It reminds me of a big mound of spaghetti with how tangled up it can get. Except they weren't like the noodles that are all slippery and able to separate easily from one another. And most of those thoughts just seem to keep piling up. Except today, I decided to just push them all to the back of my brain and just be apathetic about everything instead. Maybe not the best decision...but it's the one I made.

I woke up early...but decided to go back to sleep and got out of bed around 11. And then decided to eat a little bit of breakfast, even though I didn't feel all that well...but Cheerios seemed to improve that a little bit. Maybe because they're so cheery? (That's a poor excuse for a "dad joke.") And then I watched a few episodes of Gilmore Girls. I'm so behind compared to some of my roommates. Let's hope I can finish the series before school's out. My day has kinda just blurred together. Although I've been unmotivated all day, I haven't been unproductive. I started (and finished) my humanities take-home test...and I'm pretty sure I'll get a decent score. And I read my sociology book and did the reading response...so today hasn't been completely worthless!

I still feel apathetic and unmotivated. Hopefully sleep will change that. I need to go to my classes tomorrow. It's easier to miss one than it is to miss four.