Dear Boys #5 {I think}

Oh man.  I forgot how scary blogs can be.  It never used to intimidate me, but somewhere along the line it changed.  Well, here goes nothing...

Dear Henry,
Thanks for being my baby boyfriend.
I think you're pretty cute placeholder.
I can't believe you and your sister are already a month old!
<3 Aunt Kel

Dear original Boy,
We haven't talked in almost two years.
Well, until the other day, that is.
I'm glad you had the guts to talk to me because even though I've thought about it, I never had the guts to contact you...or maybe you didn't need guts and you're just brave.
Anyway, my brain has lots of unanswered questions about you.
I'm not sure what to make of this situation.
Sincerely, confused but happy

Dear Best Friend/Former Best Friend/Friend/I Don't Know What to Call You,
Normally I'd be asleep, I think, but I really appreciated the "Random 1 AM text" the other night.
It was just what I needed.
Sometimes I miss what our friendship used to be, but I think we're both happy with our current life circumstances.
I also miss our midnight McDonalds runs and seeing Petsmart makes me long for the past sometimes.
Love, Kel

Dear Ethics, HR, and Marketing boys,
You three have been my saving grace this school year.
I seriously don't know how I would have survived without you.
From working on group projects to venting about the various classes we share, you keep my head on straight and make sure I'm doing okay.
Sincerely, your favorite gal pal {or so I'd like to think}

Dear mish,
You get home in less than six months.
That's weird.  So much has changed.
Yet, so much hasn't.
Hopefully we'll still be friends when you come home.
Kel

Dear Boy Previously Mentioned Somewhere on This List,
I think you're pretty great.
I'd like to continue to get to know you.
In the words of T. Swift, "I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now."
<3 me.

Dear Self,
You are seriously the most awkward person I know sometimes.

gone

Life has been a bit crazy lately...I really need to be better about writing stories before I begin forgetting the details haha...anyway...we'll time travel back to last week for a minute.

On my laptop I have a folder of all my pictures prior to this computer.  Last week I opened it to look for pictures for a project and instead of being greeted by a plethora of pictures I am greeted by this message:

Now don't get me wrong.  I was sad that these pictures were gone.  Family vacations, nieces growing up, choir trip, graduation, etc.  My family computer I had them all stored on crashed a few months earlier and stuff was only partially recovered...so I was pretty sure everything was gone.  I ended up being okay with it all.  I figured I had a decent amount of pictures on Facebook, many pictures were dorky self-portraits of a funny looking girl, and everyone in the pictures was still in existence so I knew I would be able to get more even though they wouldn't be snapshots capturing the old memories.

Thursday I am looking on Pinterest and show my roommates this picture:

Source: dwellstudio.com via Kelly on Pinterest

The owl bedding is adorable...but what I was really focused on was the cute dachshund pillow on the bed.

You see....from about age 4 to age 18 my family had the cutest little wiener dog.  See?

Yeah.  Adorable, I know.  He wasn't very good at listening though.  I remember telling him explicitly before my choir trip he wasn't allowed to die while I was gone.  Yeah.  He failed at listening.  The night I got home and found out I bawled pretty much all night.  He was the friend who was always there no matter what was going on in life.

Anyway, back to the owl bedding.  I started googling dachshund things.  I'm sitting in our cute little grandpa recliner with my cute little green laptop resting in my cute little lap.  And suddenly, something in my brain clicks.  I scream NO!!! and have curious glances directed my way from inquisitive roommates.  I race to open the folder..and sure enough, my worst fear is confirmed.  The folder still looks like this:

EMPTY.  GONE.

I start laughing.  I start crying.  I am just a mess.  Those are the two dominant ways of dealing with my emotions and both decide to manifest themselves at the exact same moment.

"Kelly, are you okay?"

"I...I don't think so."  I sit, staring at my computer in disbelief, tears welling up in my eyes.

I sat for at least ten minutes staring at the screen.  Then, I notice button in the top right corner.  It says something about arranging the pictures by different things.  I click it and change the settings...and miraculously all the pictures fill the screen.  I was beyond excited.  I felt beyond stupid.  I knew how ridiculous I looked and sounded.  He was just a dog.  But really, he wasn't.  He was much, much more.

What If

Sorry I've been MIA lately.  I've had 4 tests and a paper due...but anywho...

I found this beauty on Pinterest the other day.

Source: Uploaded by user via Kelly on Pinterest

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 reads: "Rejoice evermore.  Pray without ceasing.  In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

I believe that we are continually growing and progressing throughout life, but I feel like that growth shoots up like sunflowers during the hard times. However, you don't notice it until you're reflecting on the past.

On Monday Kylee {my old roommate} and I were talking about last year.  I gave her a little more insight as to what was going on in my life at that point {she's pretty much my free therapist.  she's wonderful.} I don't even know how the topic came up, but it did.  She told me how she's noticed how much happier I am this year.  I can see and feel it too.  It's a great thing.  But, I know I wouldn't appreciate my happiness now if I didn't have the bad times to compare it to.

I know that I need to work on living that scripture more.  When things are easy it's easy to ignore it.  I rely on God and prayer much more when things are rough.  I'm trying to remember to pray prayers of gratitude more often.  I pray for those I know who are struggling.  I pray for help to improve myself.

I feel like this should be an English essay.  I feel like I need to use smoother transitions and somehow appropriately sum up my feelings instead of end abruptly.  But, I'm not submitting this for a grade, so really I can do things how I want :)

Just remember happiness is all good and dandy.  It really is.  Remember to rejoice, pray, and be grateful.  But also remember that sadness, trials, and tears are wonderful things too.

tender mercies

So lately my car decides it likes to break.  I even finally added the Logan Midas into my phone so I don't have to look up the number anymore.  Okay.  It's only been two times up here....but that's more than I'd like.

Yet.  It always breaks when I'm in my parking lot.  Or at least that's when it's noticed or whatever.  I don't end up on the side of the road somewhere.  I'm not stranded in the middle of an intersection.  Or in the twists and turns of Sardine Canyon.

And then this morning was a struggle to get out of bed.  But I was finally able to roll out at the last second.  Thankfully it was only Zumba and I really didn't have to get ready.  I was already wearing my lovely Xela sweats.

And we did some of my favorite songs.  There's one in particular that we haven't done in weeks and we did it today.  It pretty much tops the list of favorites.  And then for our toning song she played Stereo Hearts which put a smile on my face.



I was kind of hoping for choreography, but I was still happy that it was played :)

Some days these things might seem like nothing, but today the small things made a difference.  It seemed to be God's way of saying "you are not forgotten."

Source: jengerbreadcreations.blogspot.com via Kelly on Pinterest