Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Sometimes people post on Facebook just the thing I need to read...and today it happened twice.

“So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness, a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial. The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don't really matter or determine our happiness. We do matter. We determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.” - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

and 

It's a bad day. Not a bad life.

I won't lie.  Today has been a rough day.  Not sure why....just a lot of little things adding up.  And I'm not sure how it goes for everybody, but I know that when I'm having a bad day, it's so much easier to see my flaws and all the inadequacies in my life.  And that was just making life worse.

But what's nice about life is that a day can only last so long.  After twenty four hours, a new one is given to us.  So no matter how bad it may be, it can't last longer than that.  For me, sleep helps a lot of things.  So I'm kind of excited to go to sleep tonight and leave today behind.

Semi-related side note:

As I was flipping through pages on iTunes,  I found this gem.

Fun Fact For Ya {triple-F-Y}:  This song totally reminds me of family road trips to Boise.  We had a cassette tape I feel like we always listened to.  And I'm pretty sure this was the first song.  I only remember a handful of other songs on it....and even though the road trips felt long, this tape is a good memory :)

tender mercies

So lately my car decides it likes to break.  I even finally added the Logan Midas into my phone so I don't have to look up the number anymore.  Okay.  It's only been two times up here....but that's more than I'd like.

Yet.  It always breaks when I'm in my parking lot.  Or at least that's when it's noticed or whatever.  I don't end up on the side of the road somewhere.  I'm not stranded in the middle of an intersection.  Or in the twists and turns of Sardine Canyon.

And then this morning was a struggle to get out of bed.  But I was finally able to roll out at the last second.  Thankfully it was only Zumba and I really didn't have to get ready.  I was already wearing my lovely Xela sweats.

And we did some of my favorite songs.  There's one in particular that we haven't done in weeks and we did it today.  It pretty much tops the list of favorites.  And then for our toning song she played Stereo Hearts which put a smile on my face.



I was kind of hoping for choreography, but I was still happy that it was played :)

Some days these things might seem like nothing, but today the small things made a difference.  It seemed to be God's way of saying "you are not forgotten."

Source: jengerbreadcreations.blogspot.com via Kelly on Pinterest

ray of sunshine

Sometimes, life is stupid.

You come home for a break from school that sounds like it's going to be too long and you're going to get sick of it.  But instead, Sunday arrives and you don't want to go back quite yet.

• Packing up sucks.
• I get the joy of talking to my teacher about the test that I've currently "failed"...but really, it's a technology malfunction.  I just hope she's understanding considering it wasn't even my fault.  I tried.  I think/hope she'll be helpful.
• I have a huge paper due next week.  Haven't started it.  Oops.  I guess I should get on that.
• I have a group project due sometime in the next while...mid-November...we should get on that too...
• I'm missing the niece's birthday party for work tonight.
• And then there are all the stupid little and not so little frustrations that go on inside and outside of my head that I don't really feel like expounding on.

But then there's a little ray of sunshine that makes your day.

Source: flickr.com via Kelly on Pinterest

You go online to check the calendar of assignments that are due tomorrow.  After all, Mondays are always killer.  And you are the queen of procrastination.  So you pull up the screen.  Look at Monday, October 24. And....

• You notice you don't have a computer science program due on Monday like you normally do.

And then you realize other things that make life a little better too :)

• I have people who listen to me and let me vent my stupid frustrations.
• It's pretty easy homework that's due tomorrow.
• I do like Logan.  Most of the time.
• It's the last day of work for me for the year :) {but maybe I'll go find a new job...unless I keep school as my only "job"}
• There are people in Logan that I miss.  Some I'll see right away.  Others will hopefully be seen soon?
• I got awesome cupcake stuff.  I don't even really feel like making cupcakes right now...but I'm just happy I have it :)

I need to make a giant to-do list and tackle it.

school and friends

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my super long school days.  In each of my classes I was feeling pretty frustrated today.  My first class has a teacher who is originally from South Korea so he is pretty difficult to understand, but other than that it wasn't too bad.  I think that class will end up being okay.

My second class was okay.  I didn't love it, but didn't necessarily hate it.  I realized I wasn't in the greatest of moods though, so before my next class I stopped by the TSC to buy one last book that had been out of stock until now and a muffin to take to my next class.

And then I had my human development across the lifespan class.  It is taught by a 28 year old.  I'm not too thrilled with her.  She didn't seem to know what she was talking about.  She always read directly from the slides...and then when people asked her questions she usually didn't know the answer and would often make up some excuse for not knowing.  Luckily for those asking the questions, other students knew the answers usually - either from other classes or just life experiences.  And she wasn't helpful concerning materials she required for her class.  Like any questions about iClickers she appeared clueless.  And I also dislike she requires a custom USU book...and then tells us that it's no different than the normal book except for some biographies or something...ugh.  Either way I'm staying in the class considering I already opened my book and used the access code inside it since the class is impossible to take without access to her special website since she doesn't use USU's blackboard OR canvas.  Ridiculous...

And then I go to Career and Life Planning.  And while waiting in the hall I'm talking to Ky.  And she can tell I'm not okay.  But I just say I don't want to talk about it yet so she makes me promise to talk to her after class.  This class was good.  While I sat through it I thought it was pretty boring....but with hindsight it helped me realize something.  We were throwing a ball around the class and had to state our passion.  And I realized my second class of the day isn't my passion.  Elementary school students deserve to have teachers who have teaching/children/whatever as their passion.  That's not mine.  Even though it was only the second day of class, the more time I spent in class and looking over all the materials, the more I realized it wasn't what I would be happy with. However, my computer science and MIS class seem promising.  Intro to ElEd was also a huge time commitment.  It wasn't just attending class.  There were 15 hours of additional field work (observations, service hours, etc.) and long papers and lots of readings.  If I'm not passionate about it...and couldn't really care...and just getting frustrated/stressed/whatever....why keep the class?  So I dropped it.  I feel good about it.  I don't regret it. And I don't think I will.

After class I went over to Kylee's.  She fed me and Janie because she's rad like that.  And then she made me talk.  Except instead of talking I started crying.  I was just so frustrated (I hadn't come to the dropping the class decision yet...and stuff).  I was frustrated with everything to do with school.  Sick of foreign teachers (Professor South Korea and Lab Instructor India...).  Sick of teachers who knew nothing (Miss 28 Year Old).  Apathetic about some classes.  And I was frustrated with crying.  Because along with school there were other things I was frustrated with but felt stupid admitting so I didn't and then the whole unknown frustrations where you just cry.

But it meant a lot to have friends who could tell something wasn't right and cared enough to make me talk to them.

So the other day I was asked what I wanted for my birthday.  And I'm clueless.  Because the only things I want aren't material things.  And I don't know how/if they could even be given.  So...um...good luck.

But the second half of the day seemed to be looking up somewhat.  I have friends who care.  I got a letter from a missionary who I miss.  I decided to drop that class.  I played high-stakes bingo.  I came close to winning twice.  But, I didn't.  But I'm cool with that.

moving + race for the cure + ducks

So Thursday I decided I should probably write my 4 page paper for humanities.  But, I was having a hard to concentrating on it, so I would alternate between packing and writing.  Two awful things...but if I had to choose...I would definitely pack. By the end of Thursday I had a nice start to the pile in my car and a completed paper.  Score.

I also decided that I liked packing more than studying for my chemistry test.  Luckily, I knew I was guaranteed an A- and I'm glad I was content with that, because it's what I'll be getting.  I still went and took the test....and I beat the class average, but I still got a lower score than my last test.  But hey, it was worth a shot and I was on campus anyway.

Friday was kind of a horrid day.  At least the first part.  I woke up (either 6 or 6:30...I can't remember) and got ready for the day (hair, makeup, clothes, even breakfast).  Then I realized I had about an hour left until I was planning on leaving for campus.  So...I decided to load of my car even more.  Then I decided to die on the lawn for a few minutes and call my mom.  She didn't answer so I laid on the grass for a few more minutes and then went back upstairs.  By this point I was getting pretty close to finished.  I basically had my bedding, some food, and a few odds and ends left in my room.

I went to campus to turn in mine and Kylee's (optional) take-home tests and mine, Kylee, and Katie's final (required) papers for humanities.  I walk in Old Main through the front entrance and go up to the third floor.  Apparently, you can only get to the third floor from the north and south entrances (it reminded me of Harry Potter when the third floor is off limits...nerd!) so I figure I would just go up to the fourth floor and find a different stairwell and get to the third floor from there.  I find one....but I couldn't get to it either!  And as I was leaving, I decided I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to be in that stairwell.  There was like a caterer with breakfast food at the entrance to one of the levels as I was heading down...and as I left the building on the glass it said "make sure you close this door completely" or something like that.  And on the outside of the door it said "not an entrance."  Well...I made it my exit.  And then I went to the north stairs where I knew I could get to the third floor and turned it all in.  Finally. :)

I decided I still had a few minutes to kill and went to check the line for buyback.  It was kinda long since I only had ten minutes so I opted to just return my rental book instead.  Then I headed over to Widtsoe (which is the part of the same building as the ESLC...my guess is the ESLC is an addition compared to "olden days?").  I sat down and pulled out my pencil and calculator and took my chemistry final.  I pretty much did awful (as I already said), but hey it was worth a shot.

Then I went back to the TSC to sell back my textbooks (after listening part of a voicemail of nothingness from my mom before deciding it wasn't going to be anything and deleting it...and calling her back and leaving a message since we had been playing phone tag).  I stand there, waiting in line...kinda long...but only a few minutes.  Maybe 5 or 10.  Then I realize everyone has their student id pulled out.  I know exactly where mine is.  Sitting in my Oscar wallet in my sparkly bag on my desk at home (apartment).  So...I was a bit irritated, but was glad I realized before I got to the front of the line.  And glad I hadn't packed it away.  I go home and race up the stairs and grab my wallet and head for my car....that's pretty full of stuff.  Luckily they were doing buyback at the Stadium too.  So I just went through the drive-through.  Yay for laziness.  I just remember that I was so exhausted at that point (remember?  I went up all the stairs in Old Main...but the real killer was every time I took stuff to my car I had to go down and back up to the 4th floors of my building, and I think I stayed up pretty late the night before too...yeah that one is my fault).  I really just wanted to have a nap in my bed, but knew that wasn't part of my plan for the day.

So I sold my books back.  And got a somewhat decent amount back.  And headed back to my apartment. I started my cleaning and my! that fridge and freezer were nasty.  Um...someone doesn't clean up their messes when they spill.  And it wasn't me...because my mommy (and daddy) taught me good (haha this video used to make me laugh pretty hard).  And I got the rest done too...I forgot what else I had to do.  Nothing too horrendous.

Then I threw the rest of everything in my car.  And had Ken come check my room off.  And then I was FREE!!!!!  Oh, and my roommate told me I had no heart because I told her how anytime I heard girls sobbing I would bust up laughing :)

My empty bedroom (minus my last load)

my stuffed car.  if i had anything else...it wouldn't fit. really.

my trunk and inside my car were FULL

What took me HOURS to take to my car took my family about five minutes to bring into my house.  But I denied their help in Logan.  It was stupid to have them drive up there and waste $30 in gas if I could fit it all in my car.

and here is the view of part of my bedroom from my bed.
there really is no room to walk.

I have no idea where anything is.  Well I can kind of guess.  But the things I really want I have no clue.  Like my Jesus sandals.  It took racking my brain a long time to figure out where they were since I knew I didn't pack them with all my other shoes.

And then Friday night was less eventful.  We ate at Burger Bar (greasy and a dive...but to die for....in moderation) with Dan and Eryka and my parents.  And then Mari and Nate got here from Boise that night to spend the weekend.

This morning we {mom, dad, me, dan, eryka, annie, stephanie, eric, mari, nate, paul, aaron, and tracey} went downtown to participate in Race for the Cure.  I know if Heather was here she would have loved to come with us too...but there's this thing called 2000+ miles in between us.

We walked {and ran...ish} in celebration of my aunt Tracey

Paul and Tracey

there were SO many people.
see clear back to the end of the street?  yeah it's filled with people.
if you turn the other direction it's the same way too!

Tracey's work started a team for her {"breast" friends}
here's the family part of the team
family:  the best friends you could have

So needless to say after climbing the equivalent of the Empire State Building...or maybe Sears Tower...in stairs and then going to Race for the Cure this morning and other random running around/errands...and not much sleep in between....I'm exhausted.  On Monday don't wake me.  I plan on sleeping in.

Oh.  And I ran to Joy Luck today to get a mother's day present.  Is it sad or awesome that the owner knows who you and your family are because you go in so much?  Well in this case it was awesome...but I'll leave that story until tomorrow just in case.

And tonight we {family picture "we"} went to Cafe Rio.  And it was delicious.  And then my family entertained me by telling funny stories.  Especially Aunt Mari.  She's hilarious.  Always.

But really, I should go to bed.  I'm never going to get enough sleep.  But my body is telling me I should try.  Oh and happy Mother's Day! :)

p.s. I love ducks.  If you want me to love you, take me to feed ducks.  I was super excited to see these ducks on my way home from school one day...

Just In Case You Wanted a Little Taste of Heaven

Chocolate Mint Snow-Top Cookies.  Mmmm.  Delicious.

So today I finally used up the rest of the cookie dough in my freezer.  These are amazing.  Want to make them?  Click here.

So today I finally met with an advisor about my schedule.  I guess I'll listen to most of what she said and explore my options this fall.  I have two directions I might want to go and they don't relate to one another.  One is pretty straightforward and I could figure it out, plus most of what I've done should count I think.  But I'm more intrigued by the other direction.

I'm glad I have a friend who is willing to listen to me whine and complain.  I was talking to him and said how I just wish someone would tell me what to do with my life.  Ever since forever teachers and counselors have told me, "You can be whatever you want to be!"  No.  That's not the answer I want.  Today I got more of the same.  Sometimes I wish I didn't get the perfect grades so there would be an obvious area I excel at.  It's not good for me to have so many options.  I'm indecisive.  I tend to second guess myself.  I just end up feeling frustrated and that I'm wasting my (and others') time and money.

People say I don't have to have it all figured out now.  And I agree.  I don't.  Not now.  Not tomorrow.  But soon I will.  And what's the point of wasting all of this?  I feel like this semester has pretty much been a joke and really hasn't counted towards anything.  At least academic-wise.  I wouldn't change the social aspect of the last month or so for anything.

Next August will bring many changes - roommates, classes, friends {you dang missionaries!} and probably other aspects I can't imagine right now.  It might be hard to adjust, but I'll be able to do it.  And eventually, I'll be able to figure my life and school out.  Just not tonight.  And that's okay.

Thumper

Sometimes I think I need Thumper as my friend so he can educate me like he educated Bambi. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Even if you are unhappy, you can usually figure out a nice way of phrasing it. But, sometimes you are careless and tired and just so frustrated/irritated you just let things slip from your lips/fingers/whatever means of communication you feel like using.

But thankfully, tomorrow is Friday, which means it's time to travel back to the happy land of Bountiful. Even though I was there today, I'm headed back. Heather is there. Mari is going to be there. Dan and Eryka will even be there...which is probably a good thing since it's their open house/reception thing going on on Saturday. Plus I have work. So money and family! Family is the awesome part though. They are tons of fun to be around. I haven't seen Mair and Heather in a while. Okay, Christmas. But still. And I don't know when I'll see them again. Hopefully soon.

But yes, always remember the admonition of Thumper (and his mom). Be nice or shut up.

people

Some people are great. Some people are awful. Some are nice. Some are mean. There are so many adjectives to describe people. And the thing is, one adjective cannot describe a whole person. Each person has multiple words to describe them, sometimes even words that mean the complete opposite. One person can be so kind to someone and make them feel worthwhile, yet treat another like they don't mean anything, or worse.

Sometimes it takes being reminded by someone to remember the good qualities about yourself. Someone to sit and listen to you and watch you cry. After sitting and telling them how someone else makes you feel like you're not needed, like you're unwanted, that you're being taken for granted, that no matter how much you care and put forth an effort, it seems to go unnoticed. How you feel unimportant and the word "friend" is just merely a title. And then the person you are talking with (your awesome roommate) says you're funny. Me, funny? Yeah I questioned that. I'm really not that funny. And then she said "I don't know if you realize, but you're. . . . ." and then listed a whole slew of compliments. And I just sat there and shook my head because either I didn't know or I had forgotten. And I don't doubt her sincerity. Roommates are great.

Each of my roommates are so unique and I don't know what I would do if any one of them was someone different. Each one has a huge impact on me and teaches me different things. They teach me about the world, people, or even myself. I don't feel like I have to be anyone else except myself around them. They know when I'm sad. They know when I'm frustrated. They know when happy. They know what I need to hear and say it. They are five amazing girls. Next year is going to be so weird not having all of them around. And today it was put into perspective that I only have a month and a half left with us all together. Thankfully we'll live pretty close to each other...haha but not close enough!

I'm just glad I have more awesome people in my life than non-awesome people.