Tuesdays and Thursdays are my super long school days. In each of my classes I was feeling pretty frustrated today. My first class has a teacher who is originally from South Korea so he is pretty difficult to understand, but other than that it wasn't too bad. I think that class will end up being okay.
My second class was okay. I didn't love it, but didn't necessarily hate it. I realized I wasn't in the greatest of moods though, so before my next class I stopped by the TSC to buy one last book that had been out of stock until now and a muffin to take to my next class.
And then I had my human development across the lifespan class. It is taught by a 28 year old. I'm not too thrilled with her. She didn't seem to know what she was talking about. She always read directly from the slides...and then when people asked her questions she usually didn't know the answer and would often make up some excuse for not knowing. Luckily for those asking the questions, other students knew the answers usually - either from other classes or just life experiences. And she wasn't helpful concerning materials she required for her class. Like any questions about iClickers she appeared clueless. And I also dislike she requires a custom USU book...and then tells us that it's no different than the normal book except for some biographies or something...ugh. Either way I'm staying in the class considering I already opened my book and used the access code inside it since the class is impossible to take without access to her special website since she doesn't use USU's blackboard OR canvas. Ridiculous...
And then I go to Career and Life Planning. And while waiting in the hall I'm talking to Ky. And she can tell I'm not okay. But I just say I don't want to talk about it yet so she makes me promise to talk to her after class. This class was good. While I sat through it I thought it was pretty boring....but with hindsight it helped me realize something. We were throwing a ball around the class and had to state our passion. And I realized my second class of the day isn't my passion. Elementary school students deserve to have teachers who have teaching/children/whatever as their passion. That's not mine. Even though it was only the second day of class, the more time I spent in class and looking over all the materials, the more I realized it wasn't what I would be happy with. However, my computer science and MIS class seem promising. Intro to ElEd was also a huge time commitment. It wasn't just attending class. There were 15 hours of additional field work (observations, service hours, etc.) and long papers and lots of readings. If I'm not passionate about it...and couldn't really care...and just getting frustrated/stressed/whatever....why keep the class? So I dropped it. I feel good about it. I don't regret it. And I don't think I will.
After class I went over to Kylee's. She fed me and Janie because she's rad like that. And then she made me talk. Except instead of talking I started crying. I was just so frustrated (I hadn't come to the dropping the class decision yet...and stuff). I was frustrated with everything to do with school. Sick of foreign teachers (Professor South Korea and Lab Instructor India...). Sick of teachers who knew nothing (Miss 28 Year Old). Apathetic about some classes. And I was frustrated with crying. Because along with school there were other things I was frustrated with but felt stupid admitting so I didn't and then the whole unknown frustrations where you just cry.
But it meant a lot to have friends who could tell something wasn't right and cared enough to make me talk to them.
So the other day I was asked what I wanted for my birthday. And I'm clueless. Because the only things I want aren't material things. And I don't know how/if they could even be given. So...um...good luck.
But the second half of the day seemed to be looking up somewhat. I have friends who care. I got a letter from a missionary who I miss. I decided to drop that class. I played high-stakes bingo. I came close to winning twice. But, I didn't. But I'm cool with that.
