yesterday's ramblings

yesterday i began writing a post {which is now sitting in my drafts, unpublished}
it was full of whining. FULL of it.
how so many aspects of my life haven't been going the way i want them to this week.
how life has been SO full of stress -- places to be, projects to accomplish, things i do/do not want to do, etc.
and i was just tired.

so i took a time out from life.
my friends and i decided to give spinning a try.

i admit.  i was preparing myself to hate it.  absolutely LOATHE it.
and there were moments i did.  but surprisingly enough, i found moments where i was not only tolerating it, but ENJOYING it.  weird.
but i got kind of bored too.  so maybe not my first choice of exercise...but i would definitely be okay doing it again.

and then it was time for my group paper meeting.  boy.  i hate canada right now.

and then i got an invite to hang out and take another mental break, which it sounds like we both really needed.  sometimes hot chocolate, funny people, and movies can really cure things...

because today i feel okay :)

172 people

172 people = the number of students in my Managing Organizations and People class.
172 people = the amount of people I get to teach next Wednesday.

I'm intimidated.  This is one of my first business classes, yet it's upper division.  I feel like I don't know much.  I feel inadequate.  Plus, I am not a fan of speaking in front of huge groups.  Or at least not a fan of being responsible for them learning the material.

I'm the girl who is quiet.  The girl who likes to hide in the back of the class.  The girl who wants to be anonymous.

Sitting in that class, when groups were presenting what they were doing for their fundraisers, I just sat and watched how ridiculous some of them sounded with their schmoozing and sucking up.  Some were great presenters, but others felt like skeezy car dealers.

via

And as I'm preparing my part of the presentation {because thankfully I don't have to do it completely alone}, I am realizing that although it's not on my list of favorite things to do, or what I would ever voluntarily choose to do at this point in my life, I am still capable of doing it.  I have been at my job for the past six years, and during that time period, I have had experiences I can relate to the material I am teaching.  I'm just irritated I can't find the clip of The Office I want haha.

But seriously.  I *am* grateful for my job.  I actually have enjoyed it {and it's why I've decided to choose the business route for school}.  Even though there have been stressful days there, I am now able to use them as examples.  Here's to hoping Andrew and I can fill our 30-40 minutes and actually be understood :)

crazy

*this is what I started writing Friday...and never finished.  Still getting published anyway*

This week has been crazy and hectic and I'm so ready for it to end.

It has been filled with just about everything.  So maybe I'll just make a quick list...

• School
• I hate it.
• Well.  Not really.  It's why I'm in Logan, right?  So if I hated it, I wouldn't be here I guess.
• English is a beast.  I don't dislike writing....I just dislike writing when I have to follow rules and guidelines...which is English.
• Spanish.  I used to be a complainy pants.  I even wrote an e-mail to the department head.  Many of my other classmates did too.  This teacher would be really great if he didn't have medical problems.  But we're paying to learn.  I received an e-mail and he announced in class today that we will be getting a new instructor after Spring Break.  It's really too bad...but necessary.
• Speaking of Spring Break....it starts this weekend! :)
• My Marriage and Family, Family Finance, and Interior Design classes are great!  I love them :)
• Work
• Work is starting again.
• Work is an hour away from where I'm currently located.  This makes for a bit of a drive when I have refresher trainings.  I had one Tuesday (with a terrible snowstorm on the way back), one yesterday, and one this afternoon.  Thankfully the weather is looking beautiful outside :)
• I love these people.  They are so much fun to work with!
• I noticed a new slide in one of the presentations.  It made me laugh because I'm positive it was added because of me.  Needless to say, I know how to handle disorderly guests :)
• I can't wait to start working with these kids every day!
• Family
• I got to see my parents last night!  I love {and am grateful!} when they treat me to dinner and fill my car up with gas.  It's gotten expensive lately! and will unfortunately continue to rise I bet.
• My brother's birthday is coming up.  He's turning 24.  If you have any ideas of what to get him let me know because I am at a loss!
• 
  

breathe

Sometimes life gets crazy.  Okay life always seems to be crazy.  Social outings, education obligations, {soon work will be creepin' back into my life}, and taking care of yourself.

Test, paper, test, test, project, quiz, test, project, Cafe Rio adventure, date doctor {the guy Hitch is based on}, cookie baking, movie watching, birthday, birthday, birthday, family, friends, confusion with just about everything, etc, etc.

Oh wait.  I'm supposed to take care of myself too?  Sleep?  What's that?  Eat right? Ha.  Work out?  Double ha.

I think yesterday I must have been super stressed.  My emotions were all over the place.  I'm pretty sure I felt every single one possible.  I was sad, angry, irritated, surprised, and super happy.




This video played a huge part in my happiness.  My friend knew I was having an off day and showed this to me.  My face lit up and I just laughed with a huge smile on my face until I was almost crying.  {almost like Kristin Bell and the sloth haha}  Now I don't have quite the same reaction, but it still makes me happy.  This kid is wonderful.

It reminded me that I need to take a step back sometimes and just breathe.  I can handle everything that's being thrown my way.  I just need to trust.

Source: shop.kellyraeroberts.com via Kelly on Pinterest

killer

The past two weeks have been killer.  Not as in killer awesome, but as in killer "I want to die."

Okay.  Not really.  Not that far anyway.

Just lots of little things...and something that seemed like a big thing to me...from last week just added up.  They made me stressed.  They made me tired.  They made me worried.  They made me irritated.  They made me...ugh.

And then...it became time to prep for finals.  With no time to recover.  And I studied.  And studied.  And studied.  And took a test.  And got a 77.  Which is AWFUL in my book.  But I also knew there were concepts I didn't understand...and wouldn't understand no matter how much I studied them.  So I feel okay with that.  And then I took my open note/open book test and got a 96(?) which is just grand!

Then I went home to Bountiful.  And studied.  And did a job shadow.  And studied some more.  Then drove back to Logan.  (Why I chose rush hour....who knows?)  And Katie and I exchanged recaps of our day.  And now I should be studying.  But I'm not.  Not yet anyway.  But I probably shall.

Then I'll sleep.  But not long enough.  Never long enough.  Not until Friday am I allowed to do that.  And I don't think I'll ever be able to catch up...but I can try.  And I'll wake up.  Maybe study some more.  And take my final final.  And yes.  I did just say final final.  Or if that's too complicated for you...last test.  But final final is more fun to say :)

And then I'll write my paper about my job shadow.  Which shouldn't be difficult.  I love easy projects.  2-3 pages double spaced.  Easy.

And then I'm free.  Free to take me and Katie home.  Free for three weeks.  Or three and a half I believe.  The half totally counts.  It makes such a big difference.

No homework.  No tests.  Nothing I'm supposed to read.  Nothing I'm supposed to do.

Actually I'm sure there will be plenty I'm supposed to do...but nothing school related! :)

Although the freedom will be short-lived, it will be greatly appreciated.

And here's a picture of narwhals.  Just because I can.

source

stress

sometimes i get
stressed.
worried.
anxious.

yep.  all of the above.
even to the point if people ask if i'm okay because i'm acting different.
ugh.
life.