decisions

Each day...each moment...everyone has the choice of how they let things affect them.  These things may be the actions of others, your own thoughts, etc.

I could be sad today because it's been one year since Oscar died.  I was away on my high school choir trip and didn't find out until I came home.  I'm glad my parents were smart enough to threaten my siblings not to say anything because it really would have wrecked my vacation.

I could be irritated with everyone who keeps staring at me when I'm in public.  Some have even pointed.  Yes, I'm aware I have a black eye.  How could I not be?  I felt it.  I wish I could share the story right here, right now, but I'm not sure if I can haha.  But it's a good one.  And maybe, once everything is all wrapped up, I'll share.  Or you can ask me if you're impatient :)

Or I could be happy.  I made a fun craft with Eryka yesterday.  We did these monograms.  We bought a letter from Michaels and painted and mod podged them.  I'm really quite pleased with mine...and plan on making a few more.

And be happy that I have awesome friends who like to keep me entertained.  There's Angie who lets me whine and complain to her about all of what's going on.  Plus she bought me a dinosaur.  And takes me to movies for free.  And then there are Kylee, Janie, and Sarah.  We like to dork around.  And play games {I learned last night that I am pretty awesome at Family Feud but suck at Sequence} and play the wii.  And watch movies.

I like to focus on the happy aspects.  Oscar was old and it was his time to go.  And maybe it was better that I was gone when it actually happened.  And I should be happy that my black eye is starting to fade...{kind of}.  And be happy about a few other things related to the story.  And be happy about finding something crafty I like.  And is easy.  And happy I have awesome friends.  Oh and parents.  They're pretty awesome and do lots of things for me.  And are supportive and caring and all those things parents are supposed to be.  Oh.  And I should be happy that I got my giveaway stuff I won from Cody at  yeah, that's macho and tough today.  Yay! :)

sometimes....and....normally....but......

sometimes....i lay in bed for over two hours trying to sleep, but can't
sometimes....that time gives me lots of time to think about things
but....i don't appreciate thinking that late when i really want to be sleeping because i have to be to work early
sometime....i don't say no
so....instead of working at noon tomorrow i work at eight
normally....that wouldn't be a big deal, except i'm going to the midnight premiere of pirates.
and....i'm already feeling super tired.
and....it's only ten thirty.
and....caffeine's not really making a difference.
and....i'm pretty sure i'm going to fall asleep during the movie.
but....i'm okay with that i guess.  it's the fourth movie.  it won't be that spectacular, will it?
confession...i'm going more for the people than the movie.
so...i'm hoping that i'll be able to survive through work...and then i can come crash at home.

other random thoughts...
sometimes....there are clothes i love and want to keep...but can see they're tired and worn out...so i decide to get rid of them.  i wish i had bought back ups haha.
normally....i like the rain...
but....i'm tired of it now. can i have sunshine for a few days?
sometimes....i don't feel like using capital letters.
sometimes....i wish i had a hobby. but i don't know what to do.
sometimes....i don't really feel like cleaning my room...which would actually be pretty simple
and....maybe i should just choose one dvd player. i have three stacked on top of my tv right now...
but...really i need two. since one still has a working vcr.  who watches vhs movies still? me...sometimes

see? three....

sometimes...i have random dreams.  involving random people.
sometimes...me and sarah decide we'll attend the singles ward instead of our "home" ward.
sometime...you find pictures that your nieces draw for you.  this picture includes cars. that are talking. and have faces. including teeth :)
sometimes....you go over to dan and eryka's and watch the office...and actually laugh

and sometimes....it's probably just time to go.
sarah should be picking me up any minute.
wish me luck in staying awake in all my endeavors.....

life minus college

Nothing too exciting has been going on lately in this neck of the woods.
Life has consisted of:

• Unpacking.  This is practically done.  But I still have stuff that needs to be taken up to my grandma and grandpa since they're being my own personal storage unit for the next 3 months.  And I have clothes that need to be hung up.  But when don't I?
• Working.  Hours are starting to pick up.  And soon things will be going full swing.  
• I started a post about people watching at work....but I changed my mind.  At least for tonight.  However, depending on the day, you may see some interesting characters there...
• Starting next week I get trained in an area I have never worked in before...but everyone else on my level knows how to do it.  I'm sure I'll be able to learn it quickly and do fine...I just hate the process.
• Sleeping.  I've been getting a pretty decent amount of hours of sleep lately.  Maybe it's making up for the last week days/weeks of school where I hardly got any sleep.  Especially the last few days of school...they were brutal to me.  But now I've been getting a lot of sleep {sometimes even 10-11 hours...too bad that won't last}
• Weddings.  Well...kinda.  I went to an open house tonight for a friend I went to high school with.  It's crazy to think people I went to high school with are already getting married.  I know of some who are already married....and even more who will be married by the end of the summer.  And then my house has had some sort of wedding talk constantly for the last year+.  Except every few months the couple changes.  But after July it'll be done for a long time.  And by "long time" I mean loooooooong time.  If I remember correctly, at our Mutual (YM/YW) dinner we had last year for the graduating seniors I said I wouldn't get married until I was 78.  Or maybe it was 87.  Either way I still have quite a while.
• Friends.  Or maybe movies.
• One night Kylee, Janie, and I went and saw Prom.  I thought it was decent.  As long as you didn't take it seriously.  After all, it was Disney.  Disney movies are meant to be laughed at.  They're always cheesy and unrealistic haha.
• Then another night Angie and I went to see Something Borrowed.  I had mixed feelings about that movie.  I thought it was cute.  But at the same time I wasn't necessarily okay with the message it was sending.  Call me old fashioned, but I think someone should break it off with their fiance if they decide they want to pursue a relationship with someone else....
• And after that movie I headed up to Kylee's house for a sleepover with Kylee, Janie, and Sarah.  We played Just Dance 2 and Mario Kart on the Wii.  They were both pretty fun {and involved a lot of yelling at the tv...}...and somewhat made me regret selling my Wii...but not enough to go buy a new one.  And then we headed off to bed...all four of us in one giant bed...but then we woke up and there were three.  Kylee made us cinnamon rolls for breakfast...and I wish I could have stayed longer to play with everyone and have fun...but work was calling my name unfortunately.
• I got a dinosaur in the mail.  Yep.  A dinosaur!  That's what I get for having an awesome friend named Angie.
• TV.  Okay yes this is a lame way to spend my time.  And really I haven't spent too much on it.  But I caught up with the Office again tonight.  And even though it's not as good as other seasons, I just can't let myself stop watching it.  And I watched Say Yes to the Dress tonight too.  Some dresses are really pretty...but other times I'm baffled at why people would spend thousands on hideous dresses.

Yep.  Life is pretty quiet.  Not uneventful...but lacking major events I guess.  But I'm just dandy with that.

mother's day

me and my mom at heather's wedding

Mom.  Mama Llama.  Or when you're not listening, Susan....SUSAN! :)

You are pretty dang awesome.  Really.  I don't think I could ask for a better mom.

You were always supportive of whatever I chose to do, yet you always let me make my own decisions.

You were always there in times of success and times of failure.

You are a loving mother, daughter, and wife {and aunt, friend, sister, neighbor, coworker, grandma and more}

You are patient, kind, and thoughtful.

I admit, it was pretty fun/funny to watch you learn how to use technology.  I remember when you refused to learn how to text and had to ask me questions every once in a while on how to use the computer.  I haven't had questions from you in a long time and you taught yourself how to text to keep in touch with your kids.

I love your ability to create.  You make crafty things.  You have my whole life.  Although the hobbies have changed over the years, you continue to use your creativity.  Maybe somewhere I inherited an ounce of your craftiness and creativity....it'll just take finding it.

I like that you listen to my ramblings about nothing.

I like that you decided to have 4 kids....because if you didn't...well you wouldn't have me!

I like that you have faith you can do things, even when you feel like you can't {gospel doctrine...I know I couldn't do it!}

I love that with all the craziness life has thrown at you, you roll with the punches.  

Even other people think you're pretty amazing.  It's not just me.  Like at Joy Luck.  I got a gift certificate for you and the owner filled out another one to give to you from him because "you are so wonderful."

Yep.  I agree.  You are wonderful.

I love you.  I couldn't ask for a better Mom.

Love, your favorite {youngest} daughter.

me and my parents in San Francisco

moving + race for the cure + ducks

So Thursday I decided I should probably write my 4 page paper for humanities.  But, I was having a hard to concentrating on it, so I would alternate between packing and writing.  Two awful things...but if I had to choose...I would definitely pack. By the end of Thursday I had a nice start to the pile in my car and a completed paper.  Score.

I also decided that I liked packing more than studying for my chemistry test.  Luckily, I knew I was guaranteed an A- and I'm glad I was content with that, because it's what I'll be getting.  I still went and took the test....and I beat the class average, but I still got a lower score than my last test.  But hey, it was worth a shot and I was on campus anyway.

Friday was kind of a horrid day.  At least the first part.  I woke up (either 6 or 6:30...I can't remember) and got ready for the day (hair, makeup, clothes, even breakfast).  Then I realized I had about an hour left until I was planning on leaving for campus.  So...I decided to load of my car even more.  Then I decided to die on the lawn for a few minutes and call my mom.  She didn't answer so I laid on the grass for a few more minutes and then went back upstairs.  By this point I was getting pretty close to finished.  I basically had my bedding, some food, and a few odds and ends left in my room.

I went to campus to turn in mine and Kylee's (optional) take-home tests and mine, Kylee, and Katie's final (required) papers for humanities.  I walk in Old Main through the front entrance and go up to the third floor.  Apparently, you can only get to the third floor from the north and south entrances (it reminded me of Harry Potter when the third floor is off limits...nerd!) so I figure I would just go up to the fourth floor and find a different stairwell and get to the third floor from there.  I find one....but I couldn't get to it either!  And as I was leaving, I decided I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to be in that stairwell.  There was like a caterer with breakfast food at the entrance to one of the levels as I was heading down...and as I left the building on the glass it said "make sure you close this door completely" or something like that.  And on the outside of the door it said "not an entrance."  Well...I made it my exit.  And then I went to the north stairs where I knew I could get to the third floor and turned it all in.  Finally. :)

I decided I still had a few minutes to kill and went to check the line for buyback.  It was kinda long since I only had ten minutes so I opted to just return my rental book instead.  Then I headed over to Widtsoe (which is the part of the same building as the ESLC...my guess is the ESLC is an addition compared to "olden days?").  I sat down and pulled out my pencil and calculator and took my chemistry final.  I pretty much did awful (as I already said), but hey it was worth a shot.

Then I went back to the TSC to sell back my textbooks (after listening part of a voicemail of nothingness from my mom before deciding it wasn't going to be anything and deleting it...and calling her back and leaving a message since we had been playing phone tag).  I stand there, waiting in line...kinda long...but only a few minutes.  Maybe 5 or 10.  Then I realize everyone has their student id pulled out.  I know exactly where mine is.  Sitting in my Oscar wallet in my sparkly bag on my desk at home (apartment).  So...I was a bit irritated, but was glad I realized before I got to the front of the line.  And glad I hadn't packed it away.  I go home and race up the stairs and grab my wallet and head for my car....that's pretty full of stuff.  Luckily they were doing buyback at the Stadium too.  So I just went through the drive-through.  Yay for laziness.  I just remember that I was so exhausted at that point (remember?  I went up all the stairs in Old Main...but the real killer was every time I took stuff to my car I had to go down and back up to the 4th floors of my building, and I think I stayed up pretty late the night before too...yeah that one is my fault).  I really just wanted to have a nap in my bed, but knew that wasn't part of my plan for the day.

So I sold my books back.  And got a somewhat decent amount back.  And headed back to my apartment. I started my cleaning and my! that fridge and freezer were nasty.  Um...someone doesn't clean up their messes when they spill.  And it wasn't me...because my mommy (and daddy) taught me good (haha this video used to make me laugh pretty hard).  And I got the rest done too...I forgot what else I had to do.  Nothing too horrendous.

Then I threw the rest of everything in my car.  And had Ken come check my room off.  And then I was FREE!!!!!  Oh, and my roommate told me I had no heart because I told her how anytime I heard girls sobbing I would bust up laughing :)

My empty bedroom (minus my last load)

my stuffed car.  if i had anything else...it wouldn't fit. really.

my trunk and inside my car were FULL

What took me HOURS to take to my car took my family about five minutes to bring into my house.  But I denied their help in Logan.  It was stupid to have them drive up there and waste $30 in gas if I could fit it all in my car.

and here is the view of part of my bedroom from my bed.
there really is no room to walk.

I have no idea where anything is.  Well I can kind of guess.  But the things I really want I have no clue.  Like my Jesus sandals.  It took racking my brain a long time to figure out where they were since I knew I didn't pack them with all my other shoes.

And then Friday night was less eventful.  We ate at Burger Bar (greasy and a dive...but to die for....in moderation) with Dan and Eryka and my parents.  And then Mari and Nate got here from Boise that night to spend the weekend.

This morning we {mom, dad, me, dan, eryka, annie, stephanie, eric, mari, nate, paul, aaron, and tracey} went downtown to participate in Race for the Cure.  I know if Heather was here she would have loved to come with us too...but there's this thing called 2000+ miles in between us.

We walked {and ran...ish} in celebration of my aunt Tracey

Paul and Tracey

there were SO many people.
see clear back to the end of the street?  yeah it's filled with people.
if you turn the other direction it's the same way too!

Tracey's work started a team for her {"breast" friends}
here's the family part of the team
family:  the best friends you could have

So needless to say after climbing the equivalent of the Empire State Building...or maybe Sears Tower...in stairs and then going to Race for the Cure this morning and other random running around/errands...and not much sleep in between....I'm exhausted.  On Monday don't wake me.  I plan on sleeping in.

Oh.  And I ran to Joy Luck today to get a mother's day present.  Is it sad or awesome that the owner knows who you and your family are because you go in so much?  Well in this case it was awesome...but I'll leave that story until tomorrow just in case.

And tonight we {family picture "we"} went to Cafe Rio.  And it was delicious.  And then my family entertained me by telling funny stories.  Especially Aunt Mari.  She's hilarious.  Always.

But really, I should go to bed.  I'm never going to get enough sleep.  But my body is telling me I should try.  Oh and happy Mother's Day! :)

p.s. I love ducks.  If you want me to love you, take me to feed ducks.  I was super excited to see these ducks on my way home from school one day...

progress

Here is the progress.  If I could just get this paper done I wouldn't care about taking my chemistry final and settle for an A-.  I'm just a bit mentally done with everything and everyone.  If I could get in my car and drive home today and all my stuff would magically finish packing itself and appear in Bountiful I would leave.  But, it won't.  So I guess I better suck it up, crank out a paper, attempt to study for chemistry since I'll be here to take it, and pack.  {sorry to go on a little rant there...}
Academic:

• Take sociology final in less than an hour.  And score at least a 56%.  That's manageable since all my other tests have been high 80's to 90's {update: took it. feel good about it.  I'll get an A for sure}
• Do my psych study guide before Wednesday....and then own that test too.
• Write a 4-page single-spaced paper {so in my head that's more like an 8 pager...}about humanities.  Yep the subject is really that broad.
• Finish my humanities take home test...thankfully I'm already over halfway done :)
• Score high enough on my chemistry final to bring me to a full A.  Being the student I was in high school/now, an A- doesn't sit with me as well when I know there's a possibility of getting something better and it's in my power to do so
• Remember pencils?
• Return/sell books

Everything else:

• Eat at the Crepery for breakfast tomorrow {it was dinner actually...}
• Have a sleepover in the living room
• Watch movies
• Pack up all my stuff (it's been started at least)
• Clean like nobody's business
• Leave this apartment as the cold empty shell it was when I arrived

focus

this is how i feel today.

i can't focus.

not on "important" things anyway.

finals week to do list

So this finals week is a little bit different than the last.  Last time included finishing up quickly to go home to family and Christmas and excitement.  I'm not in a hurry to finish out the year.  I'm not being greeted by holiday cheer.  Instead, packing, moving, and deep cleaning await me.  And leaving 5 awesome girls.

hmm...I wish I had more pictures of them...but this will do for now

Especially after a night like last night, it'll be sad to see us split up.

Anyway, here's the list:

Academic:

• Take sociology final in less than an hour.  And score at least a 56%.  That's manageable since all my other tests have been high 80's to 90's {update: took it. feel good about it.  I'll get an A for sure}
• Do my psych study guide before Wednesday....and then own that test too.
• Write a 4-page single-spaced paper {so in my head that's more like an 8 pager...}about humanities.  Yep the subject is really that broad.
• Finish my humanities take home test...thankfully I'm already over halfway done :)
• Score high enough on my chemistry final to bring me to a full A.  Being the student I was in high school/now, an A- doesn't sit with me as well when I know there's a possibility of getting something better and it's in my power to do so
• Remember pencils?
• Return/sell books

Everything else:

• Eat at the Crepery for breakfast tomorrow
• Have a sleepover in the living room
• Watch movies
• Pack up all my stuff
• Clean like nobody's business
• Leave this apartment as the cold empty shell it was when I arrived

I won't miss these stark white walls....but I'll miss the memories attached to them

So our apartment was picked to be the "model apartment" they used in pictures.
We can thank Janie for that.
But this is only kinda how we have our living room...they changed it up on us

We keep bananas on Kylee's fridge? False.
And look. That end table is magic...somehow it changed sides of the chair...
Oh and I'm pretty sure that's Step Up sitting on top of the dvd player

Also...we've never had a clock above our stove...but we did have a JB poster up there once

See? Waaaayyyy up there? Those are the windows to our living room

And here's me. Before school started. July actually...
I had no idea what was in store for the upcoming year.
Heck. I didn't even know what was coming that night haha

winner winner chicken dinner

sometimes you get sick with a cold.
sometimes when you are sick with said cold you take nyquil.
sometimes when you take nyquil you decide not to get out of bed until 1 in the afternoon.
sometimes when you get out of bed at 1, your roommates have already gone to church.
sometimes when they're already gone, you decide to just go to sacrament meeting, so you have some time to kill.
sometimes when you're killing time, instead of studying, you catch up on your blog reading.
sometimes as you're scrolling through the list....you see a name that pops out.  your name. and then you look at the picture next to it...and it's your face

sometimes blogs have giveaways. and sometimes i randomly enter into them...never with hopes of actually winning.
sometimes though, you actually win!
now...here is a link to the stuff I won at yeah, that's macho and tough
i'm pretty sure i entered because it involved glitter and sequins...plus there's jewelry and stuff where i can pretend to be crafty and girly.
sometimes winning is the perfect little pick me up you need when you're sick and heading into finals and moving.

so...thanks Cody from yeah, that's macho and tough!  i'm pretty excited!  {p.s. you should totally check out her blog and shop on etsy}